Avengers: Infinity War

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You know how most Pixar movies operate on two different wavelengths?  One for the kids in the theater and one for the adults that drove them there?  I think that Marvel has been employing a similar tactic for their immensely successful superhero factory.  They make movies that satisfy the hopes and dreams of the comic book nerds, but secondly through the use of humor and A-List talent, these farfetched films will also suffice as an entertaining night out for most adults.  While she’d certainly have reservations, I don’t think even my Mom would hate movies like Spiderman: Homecoming, Black Panther, or Thor: Ragnarok.  I really don’t, for the recent string of Marvel has either been really funny, really interesting, or both.

But Mom would DEFINITELY hate the newest chapter, Avengers: Infinity War, the self described “biggest crossover event in cinematic history.”  This film appears to operate only on the nerd spectrum.  I mean, just take a look at this fucking guy.

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That’s Thanos.  He’s a purple alien on a quest to collect six magical stones that will make him the most powerful being in the universe.  The only thing standing in his way is a ragtag group of superheroes that like to bicker in pressure filled situations.  Sound stupid?  That’s because it is stupid.  Avengers: Infinity War is……fine.  It’s fine.  I’m telling you it’s fine.  Fine at best.  If you’ve generally been into these movies I guess it’s worth your time to see what happens, however it’s certainly not worth your money (again, just your time).  There are a couple good jokes and I’ll admit it is kinda cool to see all of these famous faces and Chris Evans’s beard on the same screen, but that’s about it.

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I rolled my eyes A LOT during the 150+ minutes.  I rolled my eyes at the Harry Potter-esque villains, I rolled my eyes at the borderline plagiaristic ending, and I definitely rolled my eyes every time Scarlet Witch refers to her new beau Vision as “Viz.”  You see, Scarlet Witch is a woman and Vision is a self-aware robot (I think?).  The two were just friends in 2016’s terrific Captain America: Civil War, but since then they’ve apparently entered into a perfectly normal, consensual sexual relationship.  To substantiate this curious development between machine and woman, the writers gave them pet nicknames for each other.  It reminded me of one of those couples that are a little too overzealous with the use of the term “babe” in public.  I told you this was stupid.    Grade: B-

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