Atomic Blonde

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Rated Greg’s Top 5 Movie Heroines

  1. The Bride (Uma Thurman) – Kill Bill
  2. Lorraine Broughton (Charlize Theron) – Atomic Blonde
  3. Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) – Mad Max: Fury Road
  4. Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) – Terminator 2
  5. Chris (Elizabeth Shue) – Adventures in Babysitting

Yesterday my friend Diana called me “The Boy who Cried Greatest Movie Ever.” Which…..to be honest is a very fair dig, for three out of the past five weekends I claimed that I just saw the best movie of 2017 (settle down Rudder!). But like all pieces of art it takes time to truly assess which movies matter. After letting Baby Driver and War for the Planet of the Apes marinate in my brain a little longer I’ve simmered down a bit. I still think they’re both absolutely excellent, but they’re not better than Get Out. Sometimes it takes a week to figure this out and sometimes it even takes years, which is how we end up with very questionable Best Picture winners like Crash, The Artist, and The King’s Speech (How in the name of Zues’ BUTTHOLE! did King’s Speech beat out Social Network and Inception?).

So I’m tempted to bite my tongue when it comes to declaring anything brazen about Atomic Blonde the day after seeing it…….but nahhh I’ma do me! Atomic Blonde is THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

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Yes, yes I am you clown. Shattering my ho-hum expectations, Atomic Blonde is an instant classic and, again if you didn’t hear me the first time, THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR. I say that today, Sunday July 30th and I have a strong feeling I’ll say that again on Sunday December 31st. It’s probably not for everyone (few films are), but this movie was created in a lab specifically for Rated Greg, an action junkie 80’s baby. 115 hard R minutes of non-stop hand to hand combat, espionage, chases, and sex all set to the tune of the best 80’s pop soundtrack money can buy? As Dick Vitale would say, ARE YOU SERIOUUUUUSSSSS?!?! Sign me up.

Atomic Blonde (2017)

 

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Going in, some were already nicknaming Atomic Blonde as “Jane Wick” and it does share a lot of similarities to Keanu Reeves’ uber popular John Wick. For one thing, it was made by the same director, David Leitch. He’s a former stuntman and clearly knows how to stage a fight (I’m really looking forward to what he does with the Deadpool sequel that he’s attached to). But ultimately I think that nickname does Atomic Blonde a disservice simply because it’s better than John Wick, straight up. Wick features some phenomenal action but I’m kinda surprised by it’s popularity given how corny everything sans action is (especially the sequel). In Atomic Blonde there’s no time to get bogged down by the actual plot, there’s too much chaos going on. In fact, I don’t think there’s a 10-minute interval where Charlize doesn’t punch someone in the face.   Every fight is choreographed to amazing precision and there’s one long scene in particular that people will be talking about for years to come. I won’t spoil it for you, but lets just say the guy sitting behind me was literally cackling, CACKLING in delight by the time it was over.

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Screen Shot 2017-07-30 at 1.14.30 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-30 at 2.19.27 PM

One last thing. Shoutout to Charlize Theron, she’s truly a badass. Reportedly she performed 98% of the stuntwork and even cracked two teeth while filming.  After seeing this I’m shocked they didn’t give her more to do in Fast 8 earlier this year.  Clearly she can go toe to toe with any of those meatheads.  Anyways, this is the best movie of the year but it’s also the most impressive performance of the year.  Grade: A+

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